How To Have Fulfilling Relationships

Part I

Learning To Have Healthy Relationships

The writer of Hebrews wrote: “For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need that someone teaches you again the first principles of the oracles of God.” (Hebrews 5:12) And Paul wrote that we grow up and build ourselves up in love by receiving from those in ministries and by working together with other members of the body of Christ (the church). (Ephesians 4:11-16)

Sometimes we tell ourselves that we can fix all of our relationship problems by studying the Word, praying, taking our spiritual authority, and trying our best to walk in love. After all: “We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers…”

But the above scriptures show us that we need teachers and others in the Body of Christ to mature in love. This tells us that we can’t just isolate ourselves with the Bible and learn all we need to know. We can’t just “be in the Word” more, and pray. We need teachers. We need others. We only grow into maturity “by that which every joint supplies.”

Why is this so?

How many of us were trained well to “walk in love” in our childhood homes? How many of us were truly loved as Jesus (and the Father) loves us? Unconditionally, sacrificially, purely? I dare say none of us because we’re all still learning to perfect our love walk, even our childhood caretakers. Therefore we didn’t have perfect, mature examples. Our only perfect example is what Jesus and the Holy Spirit reveal to us about our Father. And the scripture says we need teachers and others to help us understand this and to grow to maturity.

So if you’re wondering why, although you’ve been immersing yourself in the Word, praying, taking authority over the rulers of the darkness, and doing your best to walk in love, you’re still coming short or having relationship problems, remember that you need teachers, and avail yourself of them.

There are many good tapes, many good books, many good Christian counselors, many good friends who have studied what the Word says about relationships. Proverbs says it’s only when we search for wisdom diligently that will we find it. It’s up to you. You can pray all you want, but then you must search diligently.

“But,” some might say, “The Word also says that ‘you have an anointing from the Holy One,’ and ‘you do not need that anyone teach you.’” Then why did God send teachers? Are they only for unbelievers? We have letter after letter in the Bible written to believers with “coaching”, if you will, on how to have happy relationships. We need coaching. The passage in I John quoted above was dealing with the deception of the anti-Christ. It reassures us that we know Jesus is the Christ and do not need that anyone teach us, for we have an anointing from the Holy One which teaches us that we abide in Christ.

So, if we need teachers, why do we need them in the area of relationships?

We’ve already seen that the training through our childhood caretakers was not perfect. Even today we still have less than perfect examples that we model after.

So my goal is to model after God. So I must look in the Word to receive knowledge, but I must also sit under teaching to receive wisdom and understanding and how to apply what I’ve learned.

The bottom line is, we need to be retrained! If relationship problems were just a spiritual matter, the Bible wouldn’t be full of retraining scriptures, such as, “… all of you be of one mind having compassion for one another, love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous… but speaking the truth in love… when your brother offends you, tell him… forgive if you have anything against anyone… Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands… Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife… fathers, do not provoke your children… Children, obey your parents.” Should I go on?

The great thing about teachers is not only that God gives them understanding and an anointing to teach us, but they’ve studied the topic they’re dealing with and they’re saving you time by sharing what they’ve learned. They’re doing the leg-work for you.

So the next time you’re tempted to simply pray and take authority over the devil as your only means of dealing with relationship problems, after all “we wrestle not against flesh and blood…,” remember that retraining is part of the process too, and go

get some.

I charge you to judge what I’ve said with the Word to see if it is true. And I pray that you will use what you learn to have fulfilling relationships.